New Views

Went up to the valley today for a very special birthday party. Pirategirl ... the one year old daughter of my friend Wendy-bird. A while back, my friend Wendy-bird told me that she was ordering specimen from a sperm bank in order to have a baby. I was completely flabergasted, and secretly thought she was a little nuts. Yes, she was a home owner. Yes, she was a hustler, working many contractual or free-lance jobs in her field, always able to support herself. Yes, she was wise with money. But she was also completely single, had no family living in the area, and I didn't think she'd had much experience with children.

Fast forward two years, during which we were just javascript:void(0)really busy with our own lives, and hadn't communicated much beyond the random email.

It was Pirategirl's first birthday, and I was invited. It was with a little hesitation that I entered the house. Beyond my habitual shyness, knowing that I wouldn't know anyone else there, I was a little apprehensive of what had happened to Wendy-bird and Pirategirl in the interim. I'm happy to say that most of my fears were unfounded. Wendy-bird and Pirategirl are both happy and healty. Wendy-bird has the fulfilled and satisfied look of a woman who had found a safe place to deposit her wealth of love, kindness and creativity. Pirategirl is a lovely toddler who is curious about the world around her, and revels in the love she finds at home. It made me happy to see them doing so well. I'm sure it won't be all smooth trails in the life ahead, but I think their lives will have an abundance of joy.

I was reminded of an episode of This American Life, 183: The Missing Parents Bureau, which focused on absent parents. In Case 1: Better Left to the Imagination, the focus is on single women who use sperm bank specimens to get pregnant. Generally, these are professional women, who don't have or anticipate a mate in their lives, but are ready to be mothers. It's always been hard for me to understand why women would do this. Parenthood seems hard enough when there are two parents, without throwing single (and single income) parenthood into the mix. If there's an accident, divorce, death or desertion, of course it's necessary to be a single parent. But I just couldn't understand why anyone would go to such lengths to be a single parent.

Or maybe it's that I'd never experienced baby hunger? I'm not an aggressive baby fanatic ... I don't like to hold unconsolable children, and I don't go out of my way to be with children who don't want to be with me. But I like children. I work with them professionally. I like babysitting my nephews, and playing with my friends' children. And I always thought that I'd have a couple of my own someday.

Nowadays, the concept of bearing children seems very far away. As I explained to my gyn, I'm not involved with anyone I want to have children with. And while it occassionally makes me feel sad, it's not something that I find fruitful to dwell on.

But every once in a while, I do long to be a mother. It's not very often. But there are times when I think that it would be deeply satisfying to raise a child, to have someone to lavish love upon, to nurture and teach and tend. Most times I fulfill these desires by trying to be good to those around me, at home and work, and it's generally enough. But sometimes it's not. And it's at those times that I wonder about someday becoming a foster or adoptive mother to a child in need. It's a new idea to c onsider. And so I wonder and I ponder.

In keeping with new views, and because it was the last day to use my flexible spending account money, I took myself over to Lens Crafter and used up the last of the money on eyewear. Granted, it was about $1300 of eyewear. Exam. Two pairs of totally souped up glasses. But since it was the last day of the 1/2-off-lenses sale, I still had a lot of money left over. So, I splurged. I got colored contacts. I know it's silly, and vain and pretty ridiculous, but even worse would be not using the money at all. I'll probably use them mostly to wear for nights out dancing. Plus, I've always wanted to get them, but could never justify the expense. I was still pretty conservative ... instead of the green eyes I've always dreamed about, the contact make my eyes a light shade of brown. So, next time you see a woman who looks like me, but with light brown eyes, you might just want to compliment said woman on how interesting her eyes look ... and leave it at that.