Am ecstatic. FGITW has finally returned The Strangeness of Beauty. I picked it up on a "deeply discounted" table at a book store. $2? Sure. Took is home and fell in love. Started underlining passages I loved, then quit ... a waste of ink to underline the whole book. Loaned it to FGITW about five years ago. After a year, I asked for it back. She was so vague that I thought it was lost forever. Then, in the heat of cleaning out her apartment, she found and returned it, the prodigal book. Started paging through it this morning, and fell in love again.
Reminds me of another bargain basement book that changed me. Walk With the Sickle Moon.
Both Minatoya and Norris are not smooth writers, and I mean it as a compliment. As I read, I want to go slowly. Savor each moment. Linger in the resounding experience. The characters catch and snag my attention as I find moments of kinship, and almost say, "You too?" In short, I find elements of my own shi-shosetsu. And, eventhough I had almost decided not to include text, here is the beginning of The Strangeness of Beauty.
November 25, 1922
It has been said that at any given moment, sixty percent of Japanese are involved in writing a novel. And all of them autobiographical.
This phenomenon, though not new in form (the autobiographical novel is an ancient art), is certainly new in frenzy. There's even a word for it, shi-shosetsu, the "I-story."
Critics have questioned the motivation behind the amateur I-story. Often it seem so futile. Why would so many work so long to create novels meant for their eyes alone? The answer involved social upheaval - in which a sudden infusion of excessive education (the progressive arts and sciences of the last two imperial reigns) has clashed with limits in opportunity, to turn a nation of habitual haiku writers half mad.
The theory is that in Japan, the self-consciousness of modernism has collided with the tradition of reticence - of not burdening others with one's subjective experience - to create a people just roiling with confessional angst.
It's true, I think. There seem to be few people as concerned with being understood as the Japanese.
Unless you consider the Americans.
But I'm delaying. This, of course, is my I-story.
...
The truth is, I write - as do many people, I suspect - only when I'm uneasy; as a way to drag life from the dark clutch of the belly; whereit's experienced, up to the mind's sorting light.
And for five years my life has been placid. Yet as I read this., my memory rises. Write, it urges. Master me. Take me to some brighter place.
I wonder how many narrative therapists there are in Japan.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Saturday, May 26, 2007
People I Like
Went down to Huntington Beach for Prospeaker and Lulu's Mosaic Wall Party II. Met these two on the trip to China. Married, retired, no children, vibrant, world travelers. They're generous, social and lots of fun. And they've both gotten really fit lately! They looked and felt fantastic.
The Mosaic Wall is Prospeaker's baby. He started with a tile mermaid and various fish along the back wall that lines their pool. Now, two semesters of ceramics classes later, he's almost got the whole wall covered ... sea monsters, turtles, shells, treasure chest complete with strings of pearls, a tiffany-esque stained glass night light and kelp beds. So much fun, and a great creative outlet.
Reconnected with a few of the other China travellers. Mostly retired folk who have the means to take at least one large trip a year. I generally don't tend to have much exposure with retirees, so it was refreshing to have a chat and see what my life may look like in thirty-some years.
Stayed in tonight. Read through Stigma. Thankfully, it was okay. Not nearly bad as I feared after reading the back cover. A bit formulaic, especially the ending, and some of the twists. But not a bad read for an evening. I'm interested in seeing what Hawley will be able to reveal about his writing process.
The Mosaic Wall is Prospeaker's baby. He started with a tile mermaid and various fish along the back wall that lines their pool. Now, two semesters of ceramics classes later, he's almost got the whole wall covered ... sea monsters, turtles, shells, treasure chest complete with strings of pearls, a tiffany-esque stained glass night light and kelp beds. So much fun, and a great creative outlet.
Reconnected with a few of the other China travellers. Mostly retired folk who have the means to take at least one large trip a year. I generally don't tend to have much exposure with retirees, so it was refreshing to have a chat and see what my life may look like in thirty-some years.
Stayed in tonight. Read through Stigma. Thankfully, it was okay. Not nearly bad as I feared after reading the back cover. A bit formulaic, especially the ending, and some of the twists. But not a bad read for an evening. I'm interested in seeing what Hawley will be able to reveal about his writing process.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Somnambulist
Up at 0630. Did the bare minimum morning routine and dragged myself into work for ECMO recert. I do enjoy being on the ECMO (extracorporeal membranous oxygenation ~ like a heart-lung machine) team. The patients are so sick, and the balancing act is much more nurse driven than anything else I do. The physicians set the parameters, but the nurses are the ones who juggle the balls and decide which drips to titrate and how, and how to adjus the machine to maintain the patient. They've come up with a new protocol for the Cardiothoracic ICU to prevent the excessive bleeding from their post-op hearts. I'm excited to see the figures. Also, they're considering getting new pumps for the short-term post-op hearts. This will mean cross-training for the CTICU and the PICU.
We also got to work on a practice pump. Walking the raceway within 40 seconds. Repairing the raceway. Reparing the bladder. Removing air from the circuit.
Then we had a discussion about what our worst EMCO nightmare would be, and how to deal with it. Personally, I would freak out if the cannulas dislodged. Blood spurting, patient decompensating, machine beeping like a banshee. I've never had it happen to me, but it's known to happen when surgeons aren't careful, when moving the patient, or even spontaneously. If it ever happened, I'd have to apply pressure to the cannula sites to prevent a bleed-out, and yell for help. Someone else would have to maximize the ventilator settings, go up on the pressors (making sure that they were actually connected to the patient and not to the circuit), administer volume (saline, then someone drawing up the blood or FFP we keep at the bedside), get the crashcarts in position and start drawing up code meds, while someone calls the surgeons to come stat and replace the cannulas. It would be especially bad if this happened on a post-op heart patient, because their cannulas are generally inserted directly into the heart, the chest is left open, and an iodine patch is left in place. If the patient accidentally decannulated, there wouldn't be a place to effectively apply pressure.
And on that happy note, ECMO recert was finished.
Went and got a Thai massage. My calves were a little sore from getting used to my new Aris Allen shoes. The masseuse really worked me over. So good, even though there were a couple times that I yelped. T Diddy would have laughed.
For some reason, I didn't end up taking the nap I sorely needed. Instead, I ended up going to see Pirates of the Carribean II with Boss and a couple of his friends. Not normally a movie I would have chosen to see (at all, even less in the theatre). However, it was good to connect with Boss and chat a bit. He's a hard guy to get a read on. A little closed off. But I respect his opinion.
After the movie (I saw #1, but didn't see #2 because of the awful reviews), everyone gathered in the vestibule. Someone asked me what I thought of the movie. Trying to be diplomatic (because I didn't want to be the one to say, "Whoever wanted to pay $10 to see this in the theatre has no taste or sense of proportion.") I said that it was a good movie to see in the theatre because of the special effects. Then, everyone started trashing the movie. Ha!
I decided not to go to dinner with the crowd. Afterall, there was dancing at Do Something Blue to attend. Stopped by at Borders to get a copy of Stigma. The author is a pediatrician, and knows one of my managers. Frannie is having the bookclub at her house in June, and Hawley will be attending. I haven't been to my work bookclub in a while. Mostly because they are on nights when I have other things planned, but also because of some of the flops they've chosen to read. Now, Running With Scizzors and A Million Little Pieces aren't flops in the conventional sense, but I stopped reading and threw them away because they just made me feel *icky.*
Anyway, as I was standing in line, I read the back cover, and had to keep myself from laughing out loud. Either the book is really bad, or the publisher needs to hire a new backcover writer. It was that bad.
After walking back to my place, I decided to take a nap before heading out for dancing. Dancing would go until 0200. Drank a diet coke just to make sure I didn't sleep too deeply.
When I finally woke up, the clock read 0300. Bummer. Turned over and slept until the morning.
We also got to work on a practice pump. Walking the raceway within 40 seconds. Repairing the raceway. Reparing the bladder. Removing air from the circuit.
Then we had a discussion about what our worst EMCO nightmare would be, and how to deal with it. Personally, I would freak out if the cannulas dislodged. Blood spurting, patient decompensating, machine beeping like a banshee. I've never had it happen to me, but it's known to happen when surgeons aren't careful, when moving the patient, or even spontaneously. If it ever happened, I'd have to apply pressure to the cannula sites to prevent a bleed-out, and yell for help. Someone else would have to maximize the ventilator settings, go up on the pressors (making sure that they were actually connected to the patient and not to the circuit), administer volume (saline, then someone drawing up the blood or FFP we keep at the bedside), get the crashcarts in position and start drawing up code meds, while someone calls the surgeons to come stat and replace the cannulas. It would be especially bad if this happened on a post-op heart patient, because their cannulas are generally inserted directly into the heart, the chest is left open, and an iodine patch is left in place. If the patient accidentally decannulated, there wouldn't be a place to effectively apply pressure.
And on that happy note, ECMO recert was finished.
Went and got a Thai massage. My calves were a little sore from getting used to my new Aris Allen shoes. The masseuse really worked me over. So good, even though there were a couple times that I yelped. T Diddy would have laughed.
For some reason, I didn't end up taking the nap I sorely needed. Instead, I ended up going to see Pirates of the Carribean II with Boss and a couple of his friends. Not normally a movie I would have chosen to see (at all, even less in the theatre). However, it was good to connect with Boss and chat a bit. He's a hard guy to get a read on. A little closed off. But I respect his opinion.
After the movie (I saw #1, but didn't see #2 because of the awful reviews), everyone gathered in the vestibule. Someone asked me what I thought of the movie. Trying to be diplomatic (because I didn't want to be the one to say, "Whoever wanted to pay $10 to see this in the theatre has no taste or sense of proportion.") I said that it was a good movie to see in the theatre because of the special effects. Then, everyone started trashing the movie. Ha!
I decided not to go to dinner with the crowd. Afterall, there was dancing at Do Something Blue to attend. Stopped by at Borders to get a copy of Stigma. The author is a pediatrician, and knows one of my managers. Frannie is having the bookclub at her house in June, and Hawley will be attending. I haven't been to my work bookclub in a while. Mostly because they are on nights when I have other things planned, but also because of some of the flops they've chosen to read. Now, Running With Scizzors and A Million Little Pieces aren't flops in the conventional sense, but I stopped reading and threw them away because they just made me feel *icky.*
Anyway, as I was standing in line, I read the back cover, and had to keep myself from laughing out loud. Either the book is really bad, or the publisher needs to hire a new backcover writer. It was that bad.
After walking back to my place, I decided to take a nap before heading out for dancing. Dancing would go until 0200. Drank a diet coke just to make sure I didn't sleep too deeply.
When I finally woke up, the clock read 0300. Bummer. Turned over and slept until the morning.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Craziness of Being in Charge
In charge today. Came prepared. Large quantities of chips and salsa to appease the villagers (staff on the unit). If, as Mary Poppins postulated, a little bit of sugar helps the medicine go down, then snacks in the back help the staff bear their burdens easier!
Day wasn't too bad. Little fires here and there. Tranferred one of four possible patients to the floor. Had little alert for possible admission calls from the OR . One nurse had to go home sick. I went to lunch feeling good, and even managed to take a 20 minute nap. Then I came back and was accosted.
Clinic patient had to be admitted because there wasn't an appropriate bed on the floor. Had to staff for a liver transplant admission. Two trauma calls from the ED. One night nurse called in sick. One unexpected post-op admission. One transport from another hospital for a surgical consult.
Ended up taking the clinic patient, eventhough it was later discovered that she was in the middle of a chemo regimen. Was able to staff for a team leader to admit the liver tranplant later in the night shift. Trauma calls ended up being stable enough for the floor. Took the post-op. And our ICU team ended up postponing the transport when I explained the staffing difficulty.
At the end of the shift, I was able to give report to Fearless Leader (one of the core charge nurses, and probably the most knowledgeable and capable nurses working in my unit). And I escaped to Lindy Groove.
Of course, I stayed later than I should have.
Mr. Little was back from San Diego for his second summer law internship. He's short and skinny, but he's a fabulous lead. He's got this interesting styling ... pulling back and twisting his right shoulder during a whip that no one else does. He also reminded me that SYTYCD was starting tonight. I hope it's still going to record since I haven't touched the tivo programming on it since last year.
His Vickness and Evincerator. Love these guys.
CaucasianStretchJ and I talked about Yosemite, where he is going this weekend. Reminds me that I need to condition and make at least one more trip and make it up to the top of Half Dome. Up the Rainbow path (past the waterfalls), and down the backside (with all the switchbacks), armed with my camelback and trekking poles. And hopefully no thunder like last time.
Darring showed me a new Charleston angle-shifting movement. Very easy and smooth. I can't even remember how he did it, but that just shows what a good lead he can be.
Left at about 2330. Got home and checked to see if SYTYCD had recorded. It had. And I WATCHED THE WHOLE THING! Nuts. I'm so nuts.
Day wasn't too bad. Little fires here and there. Tranferred one of four possible patients to the floor. Had little alert for possible admission calls from the OR . One nurse had to go home sick. I went to lunch feeling good, and even managed to take a 20 minute nap. Then I came back and was accosted.
Clinic patient had to be admitted because there wasn't an appropriate bed on the floor. Had to staff for a liver transplant admission. Two trauma calls from the ED. One night nurse called in sick. One unexpected post-op admission. One transport from another hospital for a surgical consult.
Ended up taking the clinic patient, eventhough it was later discovered that she was in the middle of a chemo regimen. Was able to staff for a team leader to admit the liver tranplant later in the night shift. Trauma calls ended up being stable enough for the floor. Took the post-op. And our ICU team ended up postponing the transport when I explained the staffing difficulty.
At the end of the shift, I was able to give report to Fearless Leader (one of the core charge nurses, and probably the most knowledgeable and capable nurses working in my unit). And I escaped to Lindy Groove.
Of course, I stayed later than I should have.
Mr. Little was back from San Diego for his second summer law internship. He's short and skinny, but he's a fabulous lead. He's got this interesting styling ... pulling back and twisting his right shoulder during a whip that no one else does. He also reminded me that SYTYCD was starting tonight. I hope it's still going to record since I haven't touched the tivo programming on it since last year.
His Vickness and Evincerator. Love these guys.
CaucasianStretchJ and I talked about Yosemite, where he is going this weekend. Reminds me that I need to condition and make at least one more trip and make it up to the top of Half Dome. Up the Rainbow path (past the waterfalls), and down the backside (with all the switchbacks), armed with my camelback and trekking poles. And hopefully no thunder like last time.
Darring showed me a new Charleston angle-shifting movement. Very easy and smooth. I can't even remember how he did it, but that just shows what a good lead he can be.
Left at about 2330. Got home and checked to see if SYTYCD had recorded. It had. And I WATCHED THE WHOLE THING! Nuts. I'm so nuts.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Studying and Study Break
In a remorseful mood, I spent most of the day studying. I am so bad at self-motivated study. I'm pretty good when taking classes, but it's hard to stay excited and devoted about hitting the books when it's just me. Anyway, I put my shoulder to the wheel and logged in some quality time. When I finally surfaced for air, it was too late to go down for DOT.
Instead, I went over to the Santa Monica Stake Center for the summer dancing series. The singles wards are teaming up and having dance lessons on Wednesday nights throughout the summer. And eventhough I'm a bit older and not a beginner, I decided to check it out. I'm always up for supporting people learning to dance.
Plus, it was a good way to break in my new Aris Allen shoes. They're wonderful! They don't pinch, have a a padded insole, are secure, and have the most wonderful leather soles. I admit I was a bit skeptical when I saw some dancers wearing them a year ago, but I'm a convert now. Although I did scuff the soles on the concrete a bit ... falling flat on one's face on a slippery dance floor qualifies as public humiliation, and is stridently avoided.
The teachers taught an easy east coast lesson. Basic. Two turns. Abbreviated ("whoa!") inside turn. Cuddle move with peekaboos. Travelling follow turns in front of the lead. And a lift. I probably wouldn't have taught the lift. I don't think it's appropriate in beginner lessons. But I think everyone had a lot of fun. I started leading for about a millisecond, but more guys showed up, and we were about even the entire night.
I think it's fabulous that they are organizing this event. Partner dancing is such a good way to meet other people, use your social conversational skills, and be active. Besides, as I keep telling the guys I know: girls love to dance, and smart guys learn how to.
Instead, I went over to the Santa Monica Stake Center for the summer dancing series. The singles wards are teaming up and having dance lessons on Wednesday nights throughout the summer. And eventhough I'm a bit older and not a beginner, I decided to check it out. I'm always up for supporting people learning to dance.
Plus, it was a good way to break in my new Aris Allen shoes. They're wonderful! They don't pinch, have a a padded insole, are secure, and have the most wonderful leather soles. I admit I was a bit skeptical when I saw some dancers wearing them a year ago, but I'm a convert now. Although I did scuff the soles on the concrete a bit ... falling flat on one's face on a slippery dance floor qualifies as public humiliation, and is stridently avoided.
The teachers taught an easy east coast lesson. Basic. Two turns. Abbreviated ("whoa!") inside turn. Cuddle move with peekaboos. Travelling follow turns in front of the lead. And a lift. I probably wouldn't have taught the lift. I don't think it's appropriate in beginner lessons. But I think everyone had a lot of fun. I started leading for about a millisecond, but more guys showed up, and we were about even the entire night.
I think it's fabulous that they are organizing this event. Partner dancing is such a good way to meet other people, use your social conversational skills, and be active. Besides, as I keep telling the guys I know: girls love to dance, and smart guys learn how to.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Rollercoaster Break
My buddy Socrates invited me along to a work event at Knott's Berry Farm. After suffering through some kiddie raffles and several rounds of Bingo, we ditched the group and dived into roller coasters.
My favorite was the Silver Bullet. Awful name. But it's a hanging coaster, which makes for a smoother ride, with lots of fancy schmancy loops and twizzles. Second best was the Xcelerator. The split second downward dive gave me that nanosecond of gutwrenching fear that comes when my stomach gets left behind the rest of my body. And I'd guess that Supreme Scream was my third favorite. It has that same nanosecond of gutwrenching, but the most terrifying part is waiting at the top for the drop to initiate.
Left a bit early so that I could make it to the stake choir practice. Again, Aurora scolded the women while praising the men to the heavens. It's really quite amusing what a flirt she is. In her sixties, she's more flirtatious in a month than I am in a year.
My favorite was the Silver Bullet. Awful name. But it's a hanging coaster, which makes for a smoother ride, with lots of fancy schmancy loops and twizzles. Second best was the Xcelerator. The split second downward dive gave me that nanosecond of gutwrenching fear that comes when my stomach gets left behind the rest of my body. And I'd guess that Supreme Scream was my third favorite. It has that same nanosecond of gutwrenching, but the most terrifying part is waiting at the top for the drop to initiate.
Left a bit early so that I could make it to the stake choir practice. Again, Aurora scolded the women while praising the men to the heavens. It's really quite amusing what a flirt she is. In her sixties, she's more flirtatious in a month than I am in a year.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Being deposed
Down south for the day.
Stopped off to get my deposition taken. Unnerving to know that every word I say is being recorded for future scrutiny. Strange that there was a great deal of cammeradeire between the four attorneys present. Then again, they aren't the ones on the block ... Also, turns out that the attorney representing the hospital hadn't examined the records well, and that there was a third shift (besides the previous two) that I had provided care to the patient on. By that time, the issues in question had been mostly resolved, but it was nasty little shock to find out that there was a portion that I hadn't been prepared for.
Met up with Bork and Genie. Problems with the woman whose lease they were taking over. "Maria" is either a total nutball, or a really bad con-artist. B&G decided not to sing any papers until the matter gets further resolved.
Then, since it was so late, and traffic would be bad, B&G came down to DOT with me. JoW presented on an old Dialogue article that reviewed the presidential bid of George Romney, father of Mitt Romney, who is currently running for the Republican presidential nomination. Interesting smilarities. War. Conservative issues. Is an LDS politician running for POTUS electable?
Stopped off to get my deposition taken. Unnerving to know that every word I say is being recorded for future scrutiny. Strange that there was a great deal of cammeradeire between the four attorneys present. Then again, they aren't the ones on the block ... Also, turns out that the attorney representing the hospital hadn't examined the records well, and that there was a third shift (besides the previous two) that I had provided care to the patient on. By that time, the issues in question had been mostly resolved, but it was nasty little shock to find out that there was a portion that I hadn't been prepared for.
Met up with Bork and Genie. Problems with the woman whose lease they were taking over. "Maria" is either a total nutball, or a really bad con-artist. B&G decided not to sing any papers until the matter gets further resolved.
Then, since it was so late, and traffic would be bad, B&G came down to DOT with me. JoW presented on an old Dialogue article that reviewed the presidential bid of George Romney, father of Mitt Romney, who is currently running for the Republican presidential nomination. Interesting smilarities. War. Conservative issues. Is an LDS politician running for POTUS electable?
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Verbally Challenged
I've never been particularly good at speaking. This first became apparent to me when I received low marks at school in reading aloud. Not that I didn't love reading. I spent more time reading than doing anything else besides sleeping. Even then, I would stay up so late reading that I would fall asleep with the light on. This would irritate my father, and he ended up installing a special wall light by the head of my bed just so that I'd have no excuse to leave the light on all night.
Anyway, I had trouble reading aloud in class. I knew how to spell the words. I knew how to pronounce them. I knew what they meant. No problem, right? Except all those little words kept disrupting my stream. You know, the kind that you don't even get to take credit for in Scrabble because they're so short ... a, and, the, to, from. The kind of words that my eyes just glanced over in my desire to find out what was going to happen next. Ridiculously, I had to learn to slow down and read ... each ... word. Which I did, since I didn't like low marks in the slightest.
Junior high school was a blur of Valley girl speak. I can't reminisce without wincing. The turning point came when I had to record the soundtrack to a bookreport filmstrip and realized how badly I'd been flogging the English language. From that point on I made a concerted effort to speak like (ya know) the girl I was ... someone who spent more time reading books than hanging out at the mall. My mother must have been grateful to hear intelligible conversation from her erstwhile alien daughter.
In high school, in my senior year, I tried out for a drama class. I was actually in the math/science magnet program, but there were lots of crossovers between us and the performing arts magent students. I was thrilled to learn that I was placed in the advanced drama class. Not so thrilled when the teacher demoted me to the intermediate class once she realized I'd had no previous theatre related classes, but I understood the rationale. I only remember one critique from that semester. "Dora, watching you do a scene is like viewing a beautiful foreign film. You emote and move so wonderfully, but I can barely understand a word you say!"
I didn't take drama the next semester, opting instead for the Peer Counselling class instead. Besides being in class with some of my closest friends, it was the place where I learned how to actively listen, and what it was like to be actively listened to. Give someone the space to talk. Listen. Reflect back. Clarify. Discuss possible options and what the person sees as the pros and cons of different courses of action. It was amazing to me. This wasn't like being condescended to by an adult. This wasn't bossing around my siblings. This wasn't the hyperbolic highs and lows of pubescent chatter. This was a refining process that brought positive change.
In college, I had a tight-kknit group of friends ... all of whom had remarkable verbal talents and drama enough to use said talents. I found my role not so much as a talker, but as a confidant and sounding board. I worked my way up to a few leadership roles, which did require a lot of verbalization, but it was more motivational or organizational talk. One group adviser even complimented me on being good on my feet when it came to speaking to the group. Which was good and fine, but I can remember feeling frustrated at not having someone to actively listen to me about matters that really, well, mattered.
Fast forward about a decade ...
Yesterday I went for a pre-deposition meeting. The parents of a patient I cared for for two shifts a number of years ago is suing the hospital (where I no longer work). It's strange to be involved in the case, since I don't remember the patient at all, and have only my charting to remind me of what happened. The lawyer for the hospital had me come in to review what types of questions the plaintiff's lawyer might ask. In this situation it's crucial to understand the question in its entirety, answer only the direct question, and give no additional information. I find this to be very difficult. I want to elaborate, to find reasons why, to give examples of similar circumstances, to explain all the nuances of why things are done a certain way. And I shouldn't. As an example question, the hospital attorney asked me if I knew what time it was. I looked at my watch and said that it was a quarter to 11:00. WRONG! Without having looked at my watch, I should have answered, "No." I feel myself hamstrung, and have a hard time answering at all. I leave, frustrated at trying to limit my answers.
Later that night, at DOT, I find myself frustrated in an entirely different way. AA, an LDS therapist in the area, came to talk about her practice and process. She does not work for LDS Social Services, but her patient population varies from 50-80% LDS. She has an atypical social history in the church, and has had occassional bouts of friction with her ward and leaders. She practices Narrative Therapy, a form of psychotherapy that focuses on the telling of the patient's story, deconstruction of key events and people, and retelling as a way to empower the individual. This resonated very strongly with me. I've always felt that I am a very powerful person, even if I don't always use that power. I tend to think that I have all the abilities I need to change my life, and that where I fail is the lack of impetus or desire. I do what brings me joy, even if it's an unhealthy joy. I'm an optimist, and I feel that positively framing the events of my life gives me power over negativity.
And yet, as I participated in the discussion, asked questions and tried to make statements, I felt incredibly thwarted in my ability to say what I felt. It all just seemed to come out wrong. At one point, I wanted to ask how her stance in the church affected her ability/objectivity to counsel clients who decide that they don't want to be involved in the church anymore. When she started answering, I realized that she hadn't understood my question. And by the time she had finished (I didn't interrupt, mostly because I hate interrupters), someone else more succintly asked the same question.
And I realize again that I have trouble speaking about my deepest emotions. I almost never speak about the things that matter most in group settings. When I do tend to talk about these things, it's most likely to be in situations where I feel that I will be actively listened to ... one on one, in a quiet place, when I'm with the rare friend who gives me space to talk, and listens, reflects back what I'm saying, asks questions to help clarify my thoughts, presents options, and lets me make my own decisions when I'm ready. This is rare. There are not many people who are able to listen in this manner without injecting their own prejudices or projecting their own experiences. I confess that it's rare for me to listen in this manner, particularly when it's a close friend. Yes, it's rare, and magnificent.
(P.S. AA also said that LDS clients are demanding and cheap, although she phrased it in a much nicer way. We're generally taught to be self-sufficient. Sometimes more able to give than receive help. Sometimes she'll get clients that have struggled in relationships for decades, who want to resolve issues in two sessions. There's also the idea that one shouldn't be paying so much to just talk, because that's what home/visiting teachers and bishops are for. Also, our ideas on family are also tangled up in our ideas of salvation for spouse and children, close community ties, and personal and communal expectations. Anyway, I can imagine that LDS folk would rather see an LDS therapist, since there's so much framework to explain to those unfamiliar with LDS culture.)
Anyway, I had trouble reading aloud in class. I knew how to spell the words. I knew how to pronounce them. I knew what they meant. No problem, right? Except all those little words kept disrupting my stream. You know, the kind that you don't even get to take credit for in Scrabble because they're so short ... a, and, the, to, from. The kind of words that my eyes just glanced over in my desire to find out what was going to happen next. Ridiculously, I had to learn to slow down and read ... each ... word. Which I did, since I didn't like low marks in the slightest.
Junior high school was a blur of Valley girl speak. I can't reminisce without wincing. The turning point came when I had to record the soundtrack to a bookreport filmstrip and realized how badly I'd been flogging the English language. From that point on I made a concerted effort to speak like (ya know) the girl I was ... someone who spent more time reading books than hanging out at the mall. My mother must have been grateful to hear intelligible conversation from her erstwhile alien daughter.
In high school, in my senior year, I tried out for a drama class. I was actually in the math/science magnet program, but there were lots of crossovers between us and the performing arts magent students. I was thrilled to learn that I was placed in the advanced drama class. Not so thrilled when the teacher demoted me to the intermediate class once she realized I'd had no previous theatre related classes, but I understood the rationale. I only remember one critique from that semester. "Dora, watching you do a scene is like viewing a beautiful foreign film. You emote and move so wonderfully, but I can barely understand a word you say!"
I didn't take drama the next semester, opting instead for the Peer Counselling class instead. Besides being in class with some of my closest friends, it was the place where I learned how to actively listen, and what it was like to be actively listened to. Give someone the space to talk. Listen. Reflect back. Clarify. Discuss possible options and what the person sees as the pros and cons of different courses of action. It was amazing to me. This wasn't like being condescended to by an adult. This wasn't bossing around my siblings. This wasn't the hyperbolic highs and lows of pubescent chatter. This was a refining process that brought positive change.
In college, I had a tight-kknit group of friends ... all of whom had remarkable verbal talents and drama enough to use said talents. I found my role not so much as a talker, but as a confidant and sounding board. I worked my way up to a few leadership roles, which did require a lot of verbalization, but it was more motivational or organizational talk. One group adviser even complimented me on being good on my feet when it came to speaking to the group. Which was good and fine, but I can remember feeling frustrated at not having someone to actively listen to me about matters that really, well, mattered.
Fast forward about a decade ...
Yesterday I went for a pre-deposition meeting. The parents of a patient I cared for for two shifts a number of years ago is suing the hospital (where I no longer work). It's strange to be involved in the case, since I don't remember the patient at all, and have only my charting to remind me of what happened. The lawyer for the hospital had me come in to review what types of questions the plaintiff's lawyer might ask. In this situation it's crucial to understand the question in its entirety, answer only the direct question, and give no additional information. I find this to be very difficult. I want to elaborate, to find reasons why, to give examples of similar circumstances, to explain all the nuances of why things are done a certain way. And I shouldn't. As an example question, the hospital attorney asked me if I knew what time it was. I looked at my watch and said that it was a quarter to 11:00. WRONG! Without having looked at my watch, I should have answered, "No." I feel myself hamstrung, and have a hard time answering at all. I leave, frustrated at trying to limit my answers.
Later that night, at DOT, I find myself frustrated in an entirely different way. AA, an LDS therapist in the area, came to talk about her practice and process. She does not work for LDS Social Services, but her patient population varies from 50-80% LDS. She has an atypical social history in the church, and has had occassional bouts of friction with her ward and leaders. She practices Narrative Therapy, a form of psychotherapy that focuses on the telling of the patient's story, deconstruction of key events and people, and retelling as a way to empower the individual. This resonated very strongly with me. I've always felt that I am a very powerful person, even if I don't always use that power. I tend to think that I have all the abilities I need to change my life, and that where I fail is the lack of impetus or desire. I do what brings me joy, even if it's an unhealthy joy. I'm an optimist, and I feel that positively framing the events of my life gives me power over negativity.
And yet, as I participated in the discussion, asked questions and tried to make statements, I felt incredibly thwarted in my ability to say what I felt. It all just seemed to come out wrong. At one point, I wanted to ask how her stance in the church affected her ability/objectivity to counsel clients who decide that they don't want to be involved in the church anymore. When she started answering, I realized that she hadn't understood my question. And by the time she had finished (I didn't interrupt, mostly because I hate interrupters), someone else more succintly asked the same question.
And I realize again that I have trouble speaking about my deepest emotions. I almost never speak about the things that matter most in group settings. When I do tend to talk about these things, it's most likely to be in situations where I feel that I will be actively listened to ... one on one, in a quiet place, when I'm with the rare friend who gives me space to talk, and listens, reflects back what I'm saying, asks questions to help clarify my thoughts, presents options, and lets me make my own decisions when I'm ready. This is rare. There are not many people who are able to listen in this manner without injecting their own prejudices or projecting their own experiences. I confess that it's rare for me to listen in this manner, particularly when it's a close friend. Yes, it's rare, and magnificent.
(P.S. AA also said that LDS clients are demanding and cheap, although she phrased it in a much nicer way. We're generally taught to be self-sufficient. Sometimes more able to give than receive help. Sometimes she'll get clients that have struggled in relationships for decades, who want to resolve issues in two sessions. There's also the idea that one shouldn't be paying so much to just talk, because that's what home/visiting teachers and bishops are for. Also, our ideas on family are also tangled up in our ideas of salvation for spouse and children, close community ties, and personal and communal expectations. Anyway, I can imagine that LDS folk would rather see an LDS therapist, since there's so much framework to explain to those unfamiliar with LDS culture.)
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Coasting on the West
Down to Irvine for The Connexxion, a combined Lindy/West Coast Swing weekend. Gale force winds. Just about like the day a wild shopping cart furiously rammed into my car in the Costco parking lot and, to say the least, left a mark.
Anyway, WCS. Have been becoming more and more enamoured of it. It's fun, slower and less impact bearing than lindy, and definitely more "grown-up." Turn out for the event was rather small, with an extremely small lindy population. I don't think that Eileen and Teveya played to their strengths when it came to PR.
Took a WCS class from Benji and Lacey Schwimmer. Finally learned to do those illusion turns that I loved from the SYTYCD Black Mambo routine (skip the judges' commentary at the end).
As I was chatting with Darring between classes, trying to decide where to go to next, Steve, of Steve and Heidi came and cajoled us to come to his advanced Balboa class. Smart move on his part, since we were two of four people in his class. Anyway, it was like a private lesson. Both Darring and I were boggled by the change in footwork emphasis. We were basically trying to overcome eight years of bad habits in one hour. Steve and Heidi recently moved back to LA from the Bay Area. Steve is one of the most interesting competitors to watch, and I'm glad he'll be around.
Last class was Groove It Or Lose It with Myles Monroe and Tessa Cunningham. Lots of fun. This is the element of dancing that I'm most comfortable with. Much as I like to watch competitions, it's the subtleties and improvisations of social dancing (or even Jack and Jill competitions) that inspire me.
Myles and Tessa Swing Diego routine ~ a choreographed routine. It's impressive and innovative, but sometimes doesn't seem to flow exactly well.
Benji and Tatianna: Jack and Jill ~ love how the "led" moves can look so seamlessly choreographed.
Myles and Tessa: slow routine ~ I have no idea what context this dance was in, but I love it. Lots of flow and musicality, with not as much of the highly stylized and weird competition gesticulating.
Myles and Tessa: freestyle ~ again, on-the-spot dancing.
Anyway, WCS. Have been becoming more and more enamoured of it. It's fun, slower and less impact bearing than lindy, and definitely more "grown-up." Turn out for the event was rather small, with an extremely small lindy population. I don't think that Eileen and Teveya played to their strengths when it came to PR.
Took a WCS class from Benji and Lacey Schwimmer. Finally learned to do those illusion turns that I loved from the SYTYCD Black Mambo routine (skip the judges' commentary at the end).
As I was chatting with Darring between classes, trying to decide where to go to next, Steve, of Steve and Heidi came and cajoled us to come to his advanced Balboa class. Smart move on his part, since we were two of four people in his class. Anyway, it was like a private lesson. Both Darring and I were boggled by the change in footwork emphasis. We were basically trying to overcome eight years of bad habits in one hour. Steve and Heidi recently moved back to LA from the Bay Area. Steve is one of the most interesting competitors to watch, and I'm glad he'll be around.
Last class was Groove It Or Lose It with Myles Monroe and Tessa Cunningham. Lots of fun. This is the element of dancing that I'm most comfortable with. Much as I like to watch competitions, it's the subtleties and improvisations of social dancing (or even Jack and Jill competitions) that inspire me.
Myles and Tessa Swing Diego routine ~ a choreographed routine. It's impressive and innovative, but sometimes doesn't seem to flow exactly well.
Benji and Tatianna: Jack and Jill ~ love how the "led" moves can look so seamlessly choreographed.
Myles and Tessa: slow routine ~ I have no idea what context this dance was in, but I love it. Lots of flow and musicality, with not as much of the highly stylized and weird competition gesticulating.
Myles and Tessa: freestyle ~ again, on-the-spot dancing.
Saturday, May 05, 2007
A day with the sis
Picked JLITH up at LAX last night.
Up early in the morning to go for a long walk, then over to The Griddle Cafe, (one of Wry-ans old haunts) for some gargantuan pankcakes. Being a Saturday morning, the wait was long, but we just luxuriated in a morning just for fun.
Had to digest a bit before our next stop ... Thai massages at Pho Siam. This time we went upstairs, which look very similar, but with one major exception ... no walls! The stalls were divided by beautiful (sheer) drapings. I was a little bit unnerved by the heavy breather in the next stall, especially since there were points where the drapes didn't quite overlap. However, it was dark enough that seeing wasn't really possible, and I figured that as long as he was breathing heavily, he was probably too involved to be peeping at me.
Also, since there were no walls, there was nothing for the masseuse to stabilize herself against. It was only when I turned over that I saw the silky handgrips that descended from the overhead bars, and it all made sense.
Coming out of PS is always a shock. From the cool and shaded interior, one is cast out into the warmth of full sunlight. It can be a rather rude awakening.
Back to my place for some rest, and then on to The Counter, in Santa Monica, for burgers. JLITH found this place in the SouthWest in-flight magazine. Really, we were both still full from breakfast, but we ordered a magnificent burger, a mixed order of sweet potato fries and strig cut onion rings, a dreamy chocolately caramel shake, and split it down the middle. Onion rings were good. I'd rank them second ... after Damon and Pythias, but before the cafeteria at work.
Over the hump to get to the homestead in the valley. With Bork, Genie and all three Beans in the house, it was a little mayhem-otic. Confess that I wasn't much use ... food coma.
Up early in the morning to go for a long walk, then over to The Griddle Cafe, (one of Wry-ans old haunts) for some gargantuan pankcakes. Being a Saturday morning, the wait was long, but we just luxuriated in a morning just for fun.
Had to digest a bit before our next stop ... Thai massages at Pho Siam. This time we went upstairs, which look very similar, but with one major exception ... no walls! The stalls were divided by beautiful (sheer) drapings. I was a little bit unnerved by the heavy breather in the next stall, especially since there were points where the drapes didn't quite overlap. However, it was dark enough that seeing wasn't really possible, and I figured that as long as he was breathing heavily, he was probably too involved to be peeping at me.
Also, since there were no walls, there was nothing for the masseuse to stabilize herself against. It was only when I turned over that I saw the silky handgrips that descended from the overhead bars, and it all made sense.
Coming out of PS is always a shock. From the cool and shaded interior, one is cast out into the warmth of full sunlight. It can be a rather rude awakening.
Back to my place for some rest, and then on to The Counter, in Santa Monica, for burgers. JLITH found this place in the SouthWest in-flight magazine. Really, we were both still full from breakfast, but we ordered a magnificent burger, a mixed order of sweet potato fries and strig cut onion rings, a dreamy chocolately caramel shake, and split it down the middle. Onion rings were good. I'd rank them second ... after Damon and Pythias, but before the cafeteria at work.
Over the hump to get to the homestead in the valley. With Bork, Genie and all three Beans in the house, it was a little mayhem-otic. Confess that I wasn't much use ... food coma.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Tour of Leads
Got out of work surprisingly early tonight. Had two non-ICU patients ... transferred one to the floor near the end of the shift, and reported off on the other in about 5 minutes, to the same nurse that I had gotten report from in the morning.
Thus it was that I arrived at Lindy Groove freakishly early. Watched Carol and Tony give most of their intermediate lindy lesson. They were pretty ambitious, having choreographed a routine with seven elements, most of which were obviously new to the dancers in the class. Not very many people got it, and few were able to execute the moves with any degree of smoothness. However, it gave the dancers a lot to work on, which can be a bonus for the ambitious ones.
What follows may seem a bit catty and rude. Totally not my intention, but I can see how it would seem that way. But I am going to talk about the guys I generally dance with. As usual, I'm using nicknames to protect the innocent.
At one point, Grey Beaver (who has to be in his late 40's/early 50's, and always has trouble staying on tempo) lead his partner in the rotation (who must have been in her 20's) in a body roll, and I shuddered. It was just creepy. Not because he was trying to be sexual with her, because I doubt he was. But just because it was absolutely inappropriate with someone he doesn't know well, and ... to be totally honest ... he just looked awful doing it. He isn't as good as I think he thinks he is.
Started off the evening with a few dances with Philly. I always enjoy dancing with Philly, mostly because he still retains his non-LA dancing accent ... much more bluesy, with a surprising bounciness.
A few with Mr. Teacher. He rarely surprises, but is smooth and relaxing to dance with. Plus, we both work with children, and laugh about how surprising they are.
Gene. I'm almost never surprised when I dance with him. But he's so good natured, friendly and gentlemanly. He's also retired, and just loves to dance. His wife rarely comes out dancing these days, but I love to see them dancing together. Rarely innovative, but great swing ambassadors.
Sociologist. He has the most incredible lock turns, strong connection, intuitively dances with the music, and always make me laugh with at least one crazy move per song. It was his birthday this week, and all sorts of follows were crowded around to get in on his birthday dance.
Big Header also celebrated his birthday this week. He is such a fantastic dancer ... just naturally seems to move with the music, be it fast or slow. Unfortunately, he's moving east to be with his girlfriend. Envy the dancers in the prospective city.
Caucasian StretchJ. I asked him to dance a slowish tempo song. It wasn't very satisfactory. Maybe I was too tentative to put my weight into it. Maybe he just isn't as good at slow tempos. It's always nejoyable to dance with him, it just wasn't great.
Had a dance with Joshing. Joshing is a wonderful leader. He likes to lead a lot of footwork patterns. And unlike typical, insecure leads, he doesn't abandon ship if the follow doesn't immediately catch on. Instead, he strengthens his lead, and continues with the pattern until the follow catches on, and then for a good phrase beyond (assuming it fits with the music), so that it gels. He doesn't allow a lot of follow creativity, but he does all the other stuff so well that he's well worth dancing with.
Danced a few with Plumb Cheery as well. PC is obviously shorter than I am, but I really like to dance with him. Like Joshing, PC leads quite a few footwork patterns, and well. He also does this slide slide move which I slide along with ... and I love it.
His Vickness is one of my favorite people to dance with. He's not flashy. In fact, he's so smooth that sometimes he can fade into the background. However, he is a fanastic lead. I never have to question where he want to me be. He's also not overbearing ... when I hijack for a pirouette turn, footwork or body roll, he makes space for me to do so and even comes along for the ride. And, every once in a while he organically leads a move that makes me just smile with the pure pleasure of it all. I also like to watch HV dance with his wife ... they are so tempermentally and physically suited.
Had a few dances with Scrub. Scrub is smart, enthusiastic, creative on the floor and has nice thick hair that is exactly suited to his short-all-over haircut. His problem is that he can be so focused on being creative that he doesn't communicate what he's trying to do ... so I have to concentrate on guessing, which takes away from the enjoyment of the dance. And lately, I feel like he's crowding me, and I don't like it. If I were younger, I might have found it charming. As it is, I'm mildly annoyed, even if slightly flattered.
Danced once with Young Gun. When I started dancing 8-ish years ago, Young Gun was still in high school. An infant with a knack for dancing. So I've seen him grow up as a dancer. He was okay as a high schooler. Gained a bit of weight as a college-aged kid, and is now has lost a lot of the extra baggage, and is quite a superb dancer. Very creative and humorous, seems to intuitively dance with the breaks and highs/lows and phrasing of the music, and always goes with the flow if a connection is missed. He's just exuberant. Great fun to watch, and even better to dance with.
8-ON I danced quite a bit. Don't know alot about him personally. Don't really need to. He's pursuing (a) graduate degree(s) in computers. Came to lindy from Israeli folk dancing. Got married sometime last year. Wataboy introduced us way back when I started dancing, and have enjoyed dancing with 8-ON through the years. 8-ON has great frame, and always likes to try new things. Sometimes he'll try something that doesn't quite work. When I ask him what he's trying to do, he'll explain, and we work on it together until it smoothes out. Luckily, this seems to happen in a couple minutes instead of hours. And, like His Vickness, he lets me share the creativity of the dance. Last night, I was able to do my first triple, connected, pirouette turn ... he saw me vamp up for it, and led me until I was ready to stop. It was marvelous!
Did a nightclub two-step number with Darring. I rarely dance with him nowadays. He likes to try new moves, but sometimes they just don't work. As I said, sometimes I'm not a good follow. On the other hand, sometimes I think he just hasn't gotten the knack of the specific lead, and that's why it doesn't come out as expected, which I think frustrates him. And, unlike 8-ON, Darring doesn't want to work it out, but just rushes on to the next move. I like to dance with Darring, but sometimes it's just not fruitful.
Also chatted a bit with LitheOne. We were missing Terminator. There and then, LitheOne "claimed" hiim for the two of us. If only, if only. Terminator is one of those dancers that works well both in fast lindy and slow blues. He's not the best dancer in either category, but he's good, and has such a nice and easy manner that everyone wants to dance with him.
A few months ago, JoNG's friend E asked me why I wasn't in the Lindy Groove Jack and Jill Competition. In fact, I'd thought about entering, although it's been a while since I did a J&J. And I decided against it because I'm not really a great follow. I like to dance, and to follow, but I don't like how J&J's focus on follows only following. I like to feel like I can hijack the dance for a measure or phrase or two, and that the person I'm dancing with won't freak out or pull me out of what I feel inspired to do, because they didn't conceive of it in the first place. So, yes ... I'll admit to a little bit of selfishness on the dance floor. Then again, follows do so much on the dance floor to make leads look good, that I figure the least the leads can do is to allow a little bit of follow creativity.
Thus it was that I arrived at Lindy Groove freakishly early. Watched Carol and Tony give most of their intermediate lindy lesson. They were pretty ambitious, having choreographed a routine with seven elements, most of which were obviously new to the dancers in the class. Not very many people got it, and few were able to execute the moves with any degree of smoothness. However, it gave the dancers a lot to work on, which can be a bonus for the ambitious ones.
What follows may seem a bit catty and rude. Totally not my intention, but I can see how it would seem that way. But I am going to talk about the guys I generally dance with. As usual, I'm using nicknames to protect the innocent.
At one point, Grey Beaver (who has to be in his late 40's/early 50's, and always has trouble staying on tempo) lead his partner in the rotation (who must have been in her 20's) in a body roll, and I shuddered. It was just creepy. Not because he was trying to be sexual with her, because I doubt he was. But just because it was absolutely inappropriate with someone he doesn't know well, and ... to be totally honest ... he just looked awful doing it. He isn't as good as I think he thinks he is.
Started off the evening with a few dances with Philly. I always enjoy dancing with Philly, mostly because he still retains his non-LA dancing accent ... much more bluesy, with a surprising bounciness.
A few with Mr. Teacher. He rarely surprises, but is smooth and relaxing to dance with. Plus, we both work with children, and laugh about how surprising they are.
Gene. I'm almost never surprised when I dance with him. But he's so good natured, friendly and gentlemanly. He's also retired, and just loves to dance. His wife rarely comes out dancing these days, but I love to see them dancing together. Rarely innovative, but great swing ambassadors.
Sociologist. He has the most incredible lock turns, strong connection, intuitively dances with the music, and always make me laugh with at least one crazy move per song. It was his birthday this week, and all sorts of follows were crowded around to get in on his birthday dance.
Big Header also celebrated his birthday this week. He is such a fantastic dancer ... just naturally seems to move with the music, be it fast or slow. Unfortunately, he's moving east to be with his girlfriend. Envy the dancers in the prospective city.
Caucasian StretchJ. I asked him to dance a slowish tempo song. It wasn't very satisfactory. Maybe I was too tentative to put my weight into it. Maybe he just isn't as good at slow tempos. It's always nejoyable to dance with him, it just wasn't great.
Had a dance with Joshing. Joshing is a wonderful leader. He likes to lead a lot of footwork patterns. And unlike typical, insecure leads, he doesn't abandon ship if the follow doesn't immediately catch on. Instead, he strengthens his lead, and continues with the pattern until the follow catches on, and then for a good phrase beyond (assuming it fits with the music), so that it gels. He doesn't allow a lot of follow creativity, but he does all the other stuff so well that he's well worth dancing with.
Danced a few with Plumb Cheery as well. PC is obviously shorter than I am, but I really like to dance with him. Like Joshing, PC leads quite a few footwork patterns, and well. He also does this slide slide move which I slide along with ... and I love it.
His Vickness is one of my favorite people to dance with. He's not flashy. In fact, he's so smooth that sometimes he can fade into the background. However, he is a fanastic lead. I never have to question where he want to me be. He's also not overbearing ... when I hijack for a pirouette turn, footwork or body roll, he makes space for me to do so and even comes along for the ride. And, every once in a while he organically leads a move that makes me just smile with the pure pleasure of it all. I also like to watch HV dance with his wife ... they are so tempermentally and physically suited.
Had a few dances with Scrub. Scrub is smart, enthusiastic, creative on the floor and has nice thick hair that is exactly suited to his short-all-over haircut. His problem is that he can be so focused on being creative that he doesn't communicate what he's trying to do ... so I have to concentrate on guessing, which takes away from the enjoyment of the dance. And lately, I feel like he's crowding me, and I don't like it. If I were younger, I might have found it charming. As it is, I'm mildly annoyed, even if slightly flattered.
Danced once with Young Gun. When I started dancing 8-ish years ago, Young Gun was still in high school. An infant with a knack for dancing. So I've seen him grow up as a dancer. He was okay as a high schooler. Gained a bit of weight as a college-aged kid, and is now has lost a lot of the extra baggage, and is quite a superb dancer. Very creative and humorous, seems to intuitively dance with the breaks and highs/lows and phrasing of the music, and always goes with the flow if a connection is missed. He's just exuberant. Great fun to watch, and even better to dance with.
8-ON I danced quite a bit. Don't know alot about him personally. Don't really need to. He's pursuing (a) graduate degree(s) in computers. Came to lindy from Israeli folk dancing. Got married sometime last year. Wataboy introduced us way back when I started dancing, and have enjoyed dancing with 8-ON through the years. 8-ON has great frame, and always likes to try new things. Sometimes he'll try something that doesn't quite work. When I ask him what he's trying to do, he'll explain, and we work on it together until it smoothes out. Luckily, this seems to happen in a couple minutes instead of hours. And, like His Vickness, he lets me share the creativity of the dance. Last night, I was able to do my first triple, connected, pirouette turn ... he saw me vamp up for it, and led me until I was ready to stop. It was marvelous!
Did a nightclub two-step number with Darring. I rarely dance with him nowadays. He likes to try new moves, but sometimes they just don't work. As I said, sometimes I'm not a good follow. On the other hand, sometimes I think he just hasn't gotten the knack of the specific lead, and that's why it doesn't come out as expected, which I think frustrates him. And, unlike 8-ON, Darring doesn't want to work it out, but just rushes on to the next move. I like to dance with Darring, but sometimes it's just not fruitful.
Also chatted a bit with LitheOne. We were missing Terminator. There and then, LitheOne "claimed" hiim for the two of us. If only, if only. Terminator is one of those dancers that works well both in fast lindy and slow blues. He's not the best dancer in either category, but he's good, and has such a nice and easy manner that everyone wants to dance with him.
A few months ago, JoNG's friend E asked me why I wasn't in the Lindy Groove Jack and Jill Competition. In fact, I'd thought about entering, although it's been a while since I did a J&J. And I decided against it because I'm not really a great follow. I like to dance, and to follow, but I don't like how J&J's focus on follows only following. I like to feel like I can hijack the dance for a measure or phrase or two, and that the person I'm dancing with won't freak out or pull me out of what I feel inspired to do, because they didn't conceive of it in the first place. So, yes ... I'll admit to a little bit of selfishness on the dance floor. Then again, follows do so much on the dance floor to make leads look good, that I figure the least the leads can do is to allow a little bit of follow creativity.
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