Sunstone Day 3

Polygamy, Pornography and Patriarchy: Where We Are, How We Got Here, And What Is Ahead
Jennifer Jones
The main presenter for this session spoke so rapidly that taking notes was rather impossible. However, I listened to her and meandered with my thoughts.

As society has developed, and brute force no longer necessary for survival, male sexual characteristics associated with force are no longer essential characteristics for sexual attraction … naturally selected out? Associated with Will & Grace phenomenon, more touchy feely –ness more attractive to women today?

"Many women no longer tolerate unhealthy relationships"
However, many still deal with issues of low self-esteem, and will continue to pair
with undesirable men and perpetuate unhealthy relationships
"Women able to survive without men"
Especially in first world nations, where education is generally available to those who seek it. I also think that women in countries where oppression of women is starting to lift are choosing not to marry or have children in an effort to keep lately obtained independence ... Japan and China? However, in countries where wome nare still thought of as property, rape is generally unpunishable ... African nations, extremist Muslim society ... women in these countries probably would welcome stable patriarchal societies that guarantee them certain protections?

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Goodbye, I Love You: Twenty Years Later
Carol Lynn Pearson

20 years ago, very frightening time, especially personally. Deseret Book called for preview copy. Two weeks later, they ordered 1000 copies, and asked for an autograph session at GC. Overwhelmingly positive response was unexpected. Largest response from LDS general with no ostensible gay connection ... thanks for helping to understand what was not understandable previously.
Large portion of time to continue helping be a bridge
Daughter Emily here
Jiffy (BYU prof) who put career on line, calling to do what he did?
Despite progress, there is just too much pain with regard to the gays in the church. Most dramatically, the suicides. One Rabbi friends stated: "The task for every religion is to remind us of who we’re obligated to love, not the ones we’re privileged to hate."
Utah has highest suicide rate between 15-24 for young men … 1/3 related to gayness
Stewart Madison?
MO marriages. Example: daughter Emily. Even when contracted under the best of intentions, can have devastating ends. Discourage unrealistic expectations
Parenting own children, and those who have no one else and come to them
“Ongoing birth of higher consciousness”

I attended this session because I wanted more insight into CLP. She has been one of my heroes, for her journalling book, her pared down but indepth poetry, and her pre-marriage adventures. However, I also found many thoughts and beliefs that I could relate to on so many levels in her Goodbye book. I got one of my books signed. What a gracious lady.

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Will, Grace, And Angels in Borkeback America: Staight Women, Gay Men, and Mormonism

This was my third favorite session. Mostly because it's one of my big fears that I will finally marry a man that can communicate effectively with me, and find out that he is gay and unable to stay in a monogamous heterosexual marriage. However, I was also very touched at the experiences of Holly Welker, Emily Pearson, Annette Daley, and Doe Daughtrey. With the exception of Welker, each of the panelists married men who struggled with SSA (not sure if all were cognizant of the fact before the temple sealing, but at least Pearson was), and all were subsequently told that marriage, therapy and obedience were the keys to changing their husbands' sexual inclinations, and all three have since been divorced.

I think that this is one of those areas in which generally well-meaning bishops have done a lot of damage. I am glad that the tide has changed, and that bishops are trending away from counselling those who struggle with SSA to just stiffen their upper lip and get married.

Later listened to Dan Witherspoon's interview with Emily Pearson on the Sunstone podcast. Admirable.

I find in myself a strange dichotomy in regards to romantic relationships. I find that I want someone stronger and smarter and bigger than myself. However, I also find the most emotional intimacy with those who are at my level, and are women, or "woman-ish" men. And I can't imagine being married to someone with whom I did not have more emotional intimacy than with anyone else. But my physical attractions are so sterotypical ... tall, dark hair, 5 o'clock shadow, really great delts. How to resolve the divide? Is it too much to ask for everything in one person? Or would I need to compromise ... marry someone who I am sort of physically attracted to, but very emotionally attracted to; or marry someone who I find very physically attractive, and find emotional fulfillment elsewhere? Infidelity is not an option, as the idea of extra-marital sexual involvement makes me physically ill. At this point, it's all academic, since I'm not involved with anyone. However, they are issues which concern me deeply, as I more frequently ponder the questions of love and marriage.

I am very interested to see how Ben Christiansen works it all out. However, I am also interested in his wife. How did she feel when she found out that he had SSA? How does she continue in a marriage when she knows he does not desire her physically, and yet finds others (who are what she can never be) physically desirable? I worry that she has decided to settle for what she can get, and that he will decide someday that he can't settle anymore. I worry about women who may fall for gay men because the women have low self-esteem, and think that they will never find a heterosexual righteous man to take them to the temple. I worry about a culture that promotes marriage as a universal bandage, instead of understanding that individual circumstances require individualized solutions.

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Hitchcock's Mormon Plot
R. John Williams

I wasn't sure what to expect with this session. Certainly, I like John, and love hearing him engage difficult issues at Outhouse discussions. But I wasn't sure I was ready to believe that Hitchcock had a explicitly LDS-related agenda. I was relieved that that wasn't John's premise.

As it turns out, I enjoyed John's presentation immensely. He had done a lot of research, and had had interviews with several close Hitchcock-ites, and done some digging in manuscript archives, etc etc. Interesting arguments, and also the history of introducing religious aspects and poking fun at them. Besides which, John is just really intelligently (and even just regularly) entertaining and sharp.

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Back at the house, we played one last game of Catan, as we munched on some delicious caramel McVitties. I won. Hurrrrrrrraaaaaaaayyyyyyy!