(Self) Righteous Indignation

Saturday. I was angrily pounding on the keyboard, because Aurora had given me the song list for Relief Society on Thursday. And what with the Trauma Conference, Outhouse Discussion and work, Saturday was the first day I could devote time to practice. So there I was, beating out the tune for "I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go" with a bitter taste in my mouth.

My confrontations with Aurora have been climbing the past few weeks. Her inability to get me the songs a week in advance (someday I hope to be the kind of accompanist who can play any hymn on request, but I'm hardly there yet). Getting me the wrong song, then telling me it's no big deal to change it at the last moment. And (my perception of) her condescending tut-tutting towards me. The week she wanted me to change a song at the last minute made me boil, since I know that if our circumstances were reversed, she would throw a tantrum.

The thing is, I've been in her position ... at the Relief Society AND sacrament meeting level. I've had to coordinate talk/lesson topics, choristers, pianists/organists, and program printers with song choices. And it isn't that hard to just sit down and make up a schedule for the whole year, especially for RS, since lessons are generally scheduled for the calendar year. When I mentioned this to Aurora, she mumbled about needing to feel the spirit when she chose songs ... which I understand, but there's searching for the spirit, and then there's just plain laziness and not being disciplined enough to do what should be done.

And so I got to RS with a basic ability to play the songs, after utilizing the most beautiful parts of an otherwise free Saturday. As I was practicing, Aurora made the suggestion that I should play a little faster. All of a sudden, I felt empowered ... to make her feel a little of my frustration. Okay, what I really wanted to do was make her suffer.

Way back when I took over as sacrament chorister, Berk (who got a PhD in music, and logged in a couple years of being a professor, AND played the organ, piano and various reed instruments) gave me a few tips on conducting. The one I remember most is to review tempos with the accompanist, since most congregations follow the tempo of the accompanist rather than the chorister. I remembered how PolyD would sometimes play a little slow because the song was unfamiliar or had difficult pedalling.

And so it was that when it came time to sing in RS, I played a little slowly. Keep in mind that I was still very unfamiliar with playing the songs, and each one had a part that required me to play slowly or risk making terrible and atonal mistakes. I could tell that Aurora wanted to speed it up, especially when she started singing faster and loudly (another of Berk's tips: don't sing when you're conducting, but mouthing is okay). but I kept an even pace. In the back of my mind I was shouting, "Ha haaaaaa!" but kept a cool outer demeanor. I felt jubilant, if rather juvenile, at making her see that not fulfilling her assignments (ie: getting me songs a week in advance) will negatively affect her (ie: I will have to play more slowly), whereas before she just thought I would suck it up.

And yet, I have noticed that the hymns have been easier to play. I'm undecided about whether the chosen songs have just been easier hymns, or if my ability to play them is truly expanding. When RS ended, I thanked Aurora for the song list (she DID make a list for the next 6 weeks, for which I'm grateful), and left the room with a strange mix of magnaniminity and humility, and a will to thoroughly learn each of the hymns in the upcoming week so that I can play them well and up to tempo.