Past -> Present -> Future

I arrived home feeling a little less than human. The weight of the past few days, combined with the happenings of today made me crave lying on the couch with a bag of chips and watching tv until I fell asleep. However, Perky sidetracked me, and instead we shared soup, and chatted a good long while before watching one hour of House, MD (a new episode!).

Perky talked about taking time to live in the present. One of her aspects that I enjoy the most is her unbridled enthusiasm for the here and now. But since I don't want to give out her secrets, I'll focus on what my thoughts were.

I very infrequently live in the present. "Now" is such a fleeting particle of time. A moment, and then it's gone. Whereas events can be anticipated for weeks, months and years ... and remembered for eons. I tend to live in my future and my friends' pasts.

I'm a planner. I'm attached at the hip to my Franklin. With self-scheduling at work (I'm on the committee for my unit), I'm always looking at my Franklin to see how I can move work, friends, fun and travel around to fit everything in. I like anticipation. I love lists and bullet points. My productivity isn't always high, but the intent is always there.

The part of my present that I most enjoy is decompressing with Perky. Part of it is that she is a good listener, and allows me the space and time to vocalize things that I've been contemplating. However, in the past few months, I've also realized that spending time daily to decompress is essential because I don't remember the happenings of my days for more than a day or two. Unless I speak or message with a person frequently, they have no idea of what's going on in my life because the actuality of events doesn't stick around in my consciousness past a few days, even if the undercurrent of thought continues to dramatically affect my life for months after.

One of the reasons blogging so important is that it helps me organize, save and analyze my past. It gives me a place to concretely record thoughts that are in flux, and that I just haven't been able to share with certain people, for whatever reasons.

Lastly, I remember my friends' pasts. Is it because I'm a visual person and see *them* doing and not my own actions? Or do I just happen to be friends who are good story tellers? i remember Montana Blue Eyes going for a swim, fully clothed, in the ocean at midnight. I remember BackrubS sitting in a crowded room in the middle east watching whirling dervishes. I remember Perky horriffi-comically pumping gas with Mr. Sunglasses. I remember Superman galloping across a field dressed in armor calling out to his soon-to-be fiancee. I remember Pilgrim Girl winking at a boy and jabbing pushpins into her prosthetic leg in high school.

I do think that everyone needs to incorporate elements of all three time periods to lead a balanced life. I'm just lucky to have a few good key friends and this blog to help me access all of them.