I just looove the word ... passport.

So, with only five and a half weeks until I'm due to go to Argentina, I sent in the paperwork to get a new passport, and realized the extremes of my vanity and need for immediate gratification.

Firstly, let me just say that I know how ridiculous it is that I haven't already gotten my passport in hand. I've been meaning to do it ever since I returned from China. However, what with minor illnesses, busy-ness, and new year doldrums, I've just been a slacker. So, instead of paying the minimal $60, I have to fork over $127 for expedited service. What a waste. And I'm not even convinced that this will go smoothly, given the horror stories I've heard from Wonder Woman about her sister's passport.

Second, I feel extremely vulnerable and lackluster without my passport. How am I supposed to quickly exit the country now? Also, I liked my old passport ... it had stamps from Japan, Thailand, Laos, Cambodia, China, Italy, Germany, Costa Rica and Peru in it. I'd secretly hoped to use it forever and bring it out at talent shows to impress people with.

Third, I took three sets of passport pictures before I was able to settle on a picture that doesn't make me look like a gremlin. I'm generally photogenic, so this was a real shock to me. The first set I had taken in December right after Shears cut my hair. The hair looked great, but I was still unfamiliar with the bangs, and shoved them aside. Big mistake. Also, the guy positioned my head weird ... the result was the most gremlin-esque of the three sets. This morning I went to one of those passport service places along Westwood that cater to farsi-speaing populations, and took a set for $8. However, I focused on the viewfinder and not the lens, so I look half-way shifty eyed, half-way having a convulsion. Such a little thing ... and I just wish that the photographer had given me a clue. And when it came down to it, when it was time to actually send the paperwork, I impulsively took one last set. There was no mirror present, and I ended up with reasonably good face, but retarded bangs. Curses on passport picture photographers who won't take just a moment to ensure that their subjects don't look moronic. Anyway, in the end, I decided to go with the good face/retarded hair photo, instead of the retarded face/good hair photo. Because while many people have bad hair days, bad face can last a lifetime.

And fourth, I wasted the postal worker's time by my inability to understand that the extra $67 for expedited service still meant that I had to mail the forms in. How I wished that there was someway of ensuring that my passport would be processed smoothly. Luckily, I had the edge in knowing that the address printed on the form was incorrect, or else the postal worker would have had me mailing my forms and expired passport all the way to Pennsylvania instead of a local office in Los Angeles. Anyway, I ultimately managed to send off the application, check, photos and old passport off certified mail to what I hope is the correct address. Supposedly it should be processed within two weeks. And I've got the third week marked in my Franklin to call ... that will give me two weeks to get it expedited again if all else fails.